Breast cancer, My decision, My journey x

On the 3rd of July 20011 i thought that my world was going to end, i had a letter of the hospital dating my operation date, My heart sank i felt awful, my nerves were all over the place, i was only 27 why me?? My operation was dated the 14th September, i wished that that date would never come. As the weeks went by, it felt like me feet didn't touch the floor, then the day had arrived. I woke up feeling sick wishing the day had never come, i had to phone the hospital to make sure that they had a bed for me and to make matters worse they never, i had to wait all day not knowing weather my operation would go ahead, then at  4 o'clock then the  hospital phoned me and told me to come in. When i arrived at the hospital my nerves had suddenly gone. I went through all the general medical checks, then the time come for my partner dean to go home. i wished that dean could stay with me till the morning, but he had to go. as dean was leaving he told me it would be fine and he would be here first thing in the morning, then he kissed me on my head and left. I just sat on the hospital bed dreading the next day, wondering how my life would be without my breast, then my thoughts turned to me not having the operation and not watching my children grow up. As the hours went by i couldn't sleep, i watched the clock all night long. The morning arrived as so did dean and my mum, the nurses prepared me for my operation this was it no more doubting or Turing back it was to late. The porters arrived to take me down, that felt like the worst time in my life watching dean walk up the hospital corridor i feared i would never see him again. I was pushed into a little room with a lot of doctors fussing around, i told the doctor that i did not want to know when i was being put a sleep and just to do it. I remember laughing with the doctor joking on how i should be on a sunny island on my honeymoon not on a hospital bed waiting to go to theatre, next thing i remember was feeling light headed then i drifted off to sleep......
As i woke up i remember hearing deans voice saying i was a brave girl and he was proud of me, at that moment i knew i had made the right decision. The next few days felt like the rolled into one, i was on so much medication i felt out of it most of the time. I didn't complain though as it helped with the pain. The first time i saw my chest was such a hard moment, i didn't look like a man or a woman. As i returned home i couldn't do anything for myself, dean was amazing he cooked cleaned and took care of me and my children. I thank him for helping me get through this rough time in my life, without him i wouldn't of been able to do it. Its now 3 months since my operation and i feel fantastic, i never thought that i would ever feel like a woman again but i do. I feel so happy with my new breasts, even thought i still have a very long way to go.

Double Mastectomy

The final result x

Hi well its the new year, I wont say I had an easy year but I have come thorough it with flying colours. I had my last expansion on the 29th December and to be honest I was glad that it was the last, as the feeling was coming back to my new breast I could feel then needles go in to the taps, which was very painful for me.
 Finally, I have almost completed my journey and I am on the road to a very healthy life. I have only a few more stages of my reconstruction to go, then I will feel normal again.

VERY LAST EXPANSION X

Well its almost here, the very last expansion. I am really looking forward to it as i feel like I have overcome a massive hurdle in my life and all is left is my nipple reconstruction. I am looking forward to the new year and getting used to my new body, my confidence is growing day by day and I do feel so much better about my appearance. I had a lovely Christmas with my family, and I have my wedding to my amazing fiancee to look forward to in the new year.

GOOD NEWS X

Well I had really good news yesterday a modelling agency got in contact asking if I wanted to be the new face of M&S post mastectomy bra range. How exciting for me :) everything I wanted to do I have achieved much more I am so proud of myself. I cant imagine going in to Marks and Spencer's and seeing my face on the box, how odd would that be, but what an achievement for me. Things are looking up, just one more important phone call and Iwill be over the moon. If everyone had posative thoughts for me over the weekend I am sure that I will recive the call we have been waiting for x

THE END IS NEAR!! DOUBLE MASTECTOMY

Feeling rather low today, not feeling to great about my new breasts. I seam to have more ups and downs now than I did when I had my operation, I think its because I know I have to get used to the way I look and that's hard to deal with when I have one breast a lot higher than the other. They say its fluid from where I had my hematoma and it will go down in time but I want it to go down now :( so many questions.. why cant they draw the fluid off?? why leave me like this??why why why?? you can see in the picture that one is a lot higher that the other, it looks like I have no breast on the right side. I suppose I am glad for one thing though is that I never had go through what a lot of woman go through. So while I try and keep my chin up and think of the positives, I will look forward to the end of the line and I can put the mastectomy behind me forever.......Dream of getting married on the beatiful island of the BAHAMAS X

Double Mastectomy catch up!!

This is the where I dream to be in may 2012

Hi all feeling a lot better today, I have phoned my breast surgeon as I feel like my right side of my breast is a lot larger :( they said its swelling from the fluid left over due to my drains being taken out to soon. I hope that they can do something with it as it looks so deformed. I am very grateful that I have been able to have this opportunity to remove my breast before it was to late. I am very excited at the moment because me and dean have entered in to a competition to win a wedding to the Bahamas, the closing date is tomorrow so I am hoping that we have a phone call later on in the week to say we have won. I would be over the moon if we won the wedding what a great end to a very tearful and hard year xx

http://bit.ly/nmpytN or text their Bridal Number "BAHAMAS 16W194" to 88833

Please can you vote for me and my fiancee to win a wedding to the Bahamas, as you know we have both been through a lot this last few weeks and to win the wedding would be amazing. Please click on the link xx